Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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