Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
