Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
