Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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