Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize