Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
