No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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