I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
