he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
