it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
