did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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