Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
