why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
