I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
