My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
