i think i have two assholes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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