highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
