I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
