I want to stick my p in your. b.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
ttyl tear gas
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
