dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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