on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
