Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
