so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
