Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
