I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
