You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
