it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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