Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
