he told me I talked like a deaf person
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize