why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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