The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
