He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
wow bdsm is so cute
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
