My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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