the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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