Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize