Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
