i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
