Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
