And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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