We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize