Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize