This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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