she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
