She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
