Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
