Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
