The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
