If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
NoShamevember. You game?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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