Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
