i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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