My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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