I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
