and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
