I can't watch pbs sober anymore
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
