Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
