I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
