GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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