Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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