as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
