I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't put those talents on a resume
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
