i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
