I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They are going to name an STD after you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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