he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
