Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
