i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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