Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize