I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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