I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
