The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
