Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize