you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
