i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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