If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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