I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
