Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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