READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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