News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
