you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
