All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
