I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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