Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
