omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
