He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
