Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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