I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
