took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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