it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
