My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
