Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
