I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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