after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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