Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
