No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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