they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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