i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
