She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
