just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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