I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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