I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
