My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
