Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
